Ten Things I Learned Working In London

1. Always be aware of who is walking in front of or behind you when trying to enter a building with revolving doors. If it's a man you better watch out because there's a 99% chance they'll push the door way harder than you because they just aren't paying attention to your 5'5'' frame in the next slot and then you'll be smacked with a revolving glass door either in the face or the bum.
   
   
2. The Oxford Comma originated in Oxford. However, Brits seem to have forgotten how to use them, or just commas in general. So when in doubt, leave the comma out.
   
   
3. Start every conversation with "sorry". And if someone starts a conversation with you with "sorry" don't ask them what they are sorry about. Because they won't know and then will get thrown off their track for their actual purpose of conversing with you. It seems that everyone is "sorry" but no one is really quite sure why, so odd. My theory is these last few generations have been socially conditioned to apologize not genuinely  for all the wrongs  their empire had done in the past millennium?
   
   
4. When your supervisor tells  you to "contemplate life" while you wait for another assignment to come by, don't day dream too hard, as your big boss will definitely walk in that exact moment you've stopped paying attention and ask you what you are working on…to which your lame response will be "life?"
   
   
5. If someone says they're going to "chase you" don't worry they won't actually chase you, it's just a weird phrase they use to say that they are going to follow up with someone. Good thing I didn't start running…before you judge me too hard, remember that I worked with children and old habits die hard. The last time I heard "I'll chase you" I had 20 tiny humans coming after me and trying to take me down. Alone a tiny human isn't a threat, but in a pack they are quite a force to be reckoned with.
   
   
6. Never go grocery shopping Sunday – Tuesday. Restocking doesn't happen until Wednesday and the markets are the size of 7/11 so you are forced to go multiple times a week, including after work (Oh the horror! Buying constantly fresh food that doesn't last unnaturally long like ours does in the US. Poor me, but also poor me, because we all know how much I hate my bi-weekly grocery run). But if you forgot to go or plan wrong, you're better off ordering takeout for the next few days because Thanksgiving Day Vons has more options than these tiny shops with only the weird stuff left.
   
   
7. "Cheers!" is used to mean "thank you" or "bye". My best tip is to leave an awkward pause after the other person says "cheers" because that is way less embarrassing than walking off before your supervisor is done talking to you. Like really, the English language has how many words, and yet you use the same one word for two totally different things.
   
   
8. If you want to get to work on time during rush hour, say a hail mary, hold your breath, and cross the street quickly. You will never make it on time if you wait for a light, especially since one USA street crossing is actually three roundabout crossings with three separate pedestrian lights in the UK. Not that I would ever condone j-walking in any form, obviously I learned this all from watching others cross while I waited patiently for the light 😉.
   
   
9. If you have an "o" there's most likely a weird "u" after it. Also, if you used a "z" it's probably an "s." Remind me again how we speak the same language? Because I'm starting to feel like I learned a very different one. Oh and always google a word that looks funny before actually asking someone, google is your friend who will never judge you. Hence, how I learned that "expiry" and "courgette" were actually English words.
   
   
10. Don’t be stubborn or fashionable. Wear the stupid tennis shoes to work and then switch your shoes at your desk. I promise you walking a mile each way in you work heels isn't worth the pain, and more people will look at you funny if you do because wearing trainers and your suit on the street is normal. Let's just say I only had to make this mistake once before I carried my dress shoes in a bag.